Everything In Transit
by sharpie x3
Summary: I was her true love. I was the only one who could make her day every day. The sad thing: if you reversed the roles in those statements, it fit me perfectly. All human, EPOV. Based on JM's album. Can two separate colleges trulykeep Edward and Bella apart
1. Chapter 1: Holiday From Real

**Author's Note:** I got an idea to write a story using an album as the storyline, so I decided to use it. I immediately chose _Everything In Transit_ by Jack's Mannequin because, well, it's my favorite band and it, itself, is a story. If you haven't already heard that album, look it up; it's amazing.

Alas, I've chosen Edward's perspective from which to write my story. All characters are human. The gist of my story is that Edward, of course, falls in love with Bella. He's a year older, and Bella moved to Forks her senior year and became best friends with Alice. After his freshman year at Carnegie Mellon, he goes home for the summer where he meets Bella. It's a summer romance that ends, and Edward's left with a broken heart. The rest, my friends, is a mystery until I allow you to know. After all, I don't want to give away my whole plot line so you don't feel the need to read it.

Anyway, I'm looking for an editor, beta, or whatever you want to call it. Reply if you're up for it, and I'll send you the plot line and what I have when I get a little bit farther with the second chapter. Thanks!

By the way, I love reviews!

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**Chapter 1: Holiday from Real**

_Oh, it's a picture of perfection  
Ah, and the postcards gonna read  
"Fuck yeah we can live like this...  
We can live like this"_

The setting: California in the summer. _Could it get any better? _ I thought as I looked upon my lover, resting. My arms were still around her as we had fallen asleep together after the best night of my life. _Make that second best. The best night had to be the first time I laid my eyes on her and instantly connected. _She was breathtaking, and every time I looked at her I just got more and more amazed. I kissed her forehead, emitting a sigh from her lips. "Edward." My bliss rose as she muttered my name.

"You're mine Bella, and I'll always love you," I whispered, nuzzling her neck. A smile crept upon her lips, and I remembered all the reasons I loved her. If I made a list it would somewhat go like this: the way she tells me _she _loves _me,_ the way her eyes sparkle whenever she has an idea, the way she talks in her sleep, her warmth, how much she simply connects with me, the way she blushes when I tell her that I love her, the way I get to catch her whenever she trips, the way her body fits with mine perfectly, the way she can make my day infinitely better, the way I can get lost in her eyes.. Basically, it would last forever. That girl has my whole heart. She is essential to my being. _Thank God she loves me too._

I reluctantly disentangled our entwined bodies and picked myself off the bed. Though I'd rather stay in bed for the rest of my life with her, life still had to go on. Before I could do anything, _her_ arms snaked around my waist, rendering me useless. All I could do was turn and stare into her engulfing brown eyes, and I instantly forgot everything. She was mine and nothing else mattered. Her arms moved their way around my neck. She stood on her toes and her lips met mine, portraying all our emotions and love. It was sweet and irresistible.

"Good morning," her lips muttered against mine. I wrapped my arms tighter around her body, never wanting to let go.

"When you kiss me like that, it is."

Her lips let a giggle escape, happily ringing in my ears. "Then my goal is to make every morning a good one."

Her lips connected with mine again. "How about you make this morning a great one?" I joked, though she knew what I meant and wanted. She knew how my body ached to be synchronized with hers, how badly I needed her. It was all I needed to be eternally happy.

Her laugh penetrated my ears once again, though this time significantly much more beautiful. It was a deep laugh, not a shallow response. I nuzzled her neck with a grin on my face. She would comply with what I requested. She wanted it just as bad as I. Slowly and gently, my hands caught underneath her shirt she had apparently thrown on quickly before, exposing her beautiful skin. I wanted to kiss every inch of it, every inch of her.

Before long, all clothes were shed, and the warm water in the shower washed away our sins as we embraced in the shower for what seemed like eternity but in reality was only a few minutes.

"Isabella Marie Swan, I love you, and with each and every day, I only love you more. I don't see how it's possible, seeing as I love you much more than anyone and everyone can and will," I whispered in her wet hair, "You are my life."

"Edward," she sighed contentedly with her eyes closed.

"Tell me what you're thinking," I urged, not willing to let her go any time soon. My only goal for the day would be to have her in my arms the whole time. Before she responded, I lifted her chin with my finger so our gazes could meet. I could see no regret on her face. _There never was regret._ She was just as sure as I was.

My goal was destroyed the moment she spoke. "Well, I'm thinking we really have to get ready. As much as I'd love to spend all day in bed, in the shower, wherever with you, we really must get going." According to her, I must have seemed disappointed, so she lightened the mood with a joking statement. "We don't want the neighbors to think we're dead."

I chuckled, instantly forgetting any melancholy. "Silly Bella, the neighbors are most sure we're not dead when we stay here." Her face showed confusion until she finally caught on, emitting a red shade to her cheeks, which I immediately kissed. I then moved my lips across to her ear. "You know I'm joking." I teasingly blew air on her neck, forcing a shiver from her. In response, I chuckled once more before nibbling her ear. Her arms playfully smacked me, and I retreated. I let go of her body and settled for her hand, pulling us out of the confines of the shower.

"So, what are our plans for today, Miss Swan?"

Her small hands reached for a towel, and I immediately handed it to her. "Thank you," she mouthed before answering my question, "I was thinking we could go to the boardwalk and then the beach afterward." I raised my eyebrow at her suggestion? _Sex on the beach? _She immediately caught on to what I was thinking, "Oh, you perv." It didn't sound like a reprimand though, and I smiled smugly. She wouldn't object. She eyed me before adding, "Put some clothes on."

A grin broke on my face. "I know you don't want me to." She merely shook her head, wearing an amused expression.

An hour later, we reached the boardwalk, hand in hand. I felt complete, like I always did when I was with her. I was lucky I had found her. I simply wouldn't be who I am without her. Everyone had commented on how much happier I seemed, that is before the two of us moved to California and no one no longer knew us here. Life was perfect here, and I never wanted it to end. Waking up to her each morning, being with her every moment, and seeing her smiling face every day suited me very well. If I was alive now, before I met her, I barely existed. When she came into my life, it was as if a meteor had lit my dark sky, exposing me to the beauty of everything. I was content before, but incredibly ignorant. I had no clue how much better life would be with her. If she were to leave now, everything would be dark once more, and I 

wouldn't be okay in the least bit. I would be empty, lost, and dead. To put it simple, my life with her was better than any movie or story, and without her I would not survive.

I hadn't realized I had been thinking for a while until she kissed my cheek. "You're a little out of it, aren't you?" Her face suddenly became overtaken with worry. "Are you okay? Do you want go back home? I don't want you to be out if you're not up to it."

My arms brought her close to my body, and my lips touched her forehead, as if to take away her fears. "I'm okay," I whispered, tilting her head up so her lips could reach mine, "But I would like to go back home."

She nodded. "Come on then," she ushered me. She still thought I wasn't feeling quite right, so I decided to give her a hint as to why I wanted to go back home. I brought her body still closer to mine and wrapped her legs around my waist, kissing her passionately. I rested one of my hands on her thigh, running it up and down. I could feel her losing control, as was I. _I don't think having sex in front of an arcade would be socially accepted._

I sighed and disentangled her legs, placing her back down. "Breathe, Bella," I reminded her. I heard a sharp intake of breath and a slower, more relaxed breath out. I clutched her hand tightly and led her in the direction back home when she suddenly stopped.

"Edward, as much as I'd love to do _that_, I think," she chose her words carefully then, "it'd be healthier to do something else for now. We can't always just be fucking, you know." I smiled her favorite crooked smile, as she would call it, as she cursed. It was always striking to hear a curse come from her lips and her voice. While she wasn't exactly a saintly person, one wouldn't expect to hear her using 'foul language.' "Here," she commanded, handing me a ski ball after putting a coin in the machine, "We can hang out here instead."

I took the alternative in my hand and sighed, "My wish is your command."

Her small frame quivered. "You're sounding more and more like a perv with each and every day."

I snickered at her remark, but threw the ball before gathering her in a tight hug and kissing the top of her hair. "A hole in one."

My gaze was focused intently on the wonderful girl next to me. I couldn't stop thinking about how perfect she was. When she had moved to Forks her senior year, I was already out of that town. I didn't believe my sister's claims of how wonderful her new best friend was until I met her myself. Since then, my sister had accused me of stealing her best friend. It was only fair though, since her best friend stole my heart. Now she lay close to me, her head resting on my chest as the sun set on the shore. The waves crashed on the sand, and the wind lightly blew her hair, only adding to the effect. It was truly the most beautiful scene ever, every part of it. I could stay here forever, and quite frankly, it didn't seem like a bad idea.

Absentmindedly, my lips brushed her hair, forcing her eyes on mine. She positively beamed, and I was barely restraining myself from kissing every inch of her.

I didn't have to restrain myself too much.

I sighed and opened my eyes. Sometimes all I need is a holiday from real. I'd rather that than face the truth. It was perfect.

_None of it was real._

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**Author's Note: **Hopefully the other chapters are longer than this one. And hopefully I won't have lines like "a hole in one" that can be taken pervy. It's supposed to be like I got the perfect girl or something like that. If you couldn't tell, this was all a dream.


	2. Chapter 2: The Mixed Tape

**Author's Note:** I'm updating against my better judgement since only one person reviewed last chapter. That one hero was alexz1jude. Thanks to her, I also have a beta. Her! Haha, read, review.

Oh, and Carnegie Mellon is a real school and the University of Pittsburgh is actually next to it. I think Carnegie Mellon is an ivy league school.

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**Chapter 2: The Mixed Tape**

_I read your letter  
The one you left when you broke into my house  
Retracing every step you made  
And you said you meant it  
And there's a piece of me in every single  
Second of every single day  
But if it's true then tell me how it got this way_

The sun threw patterns on the sheets over me, creeping through the closed blinds. I tried to force my eyes shut and back to sleep, but the damage was done. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't slip back into that unconsciousness. The birds chirped, in celebration on the morning.

_Morning—how much I detested it._ It was the only time I could think about everything I've lost so recently. It had only been a week, and yet I felt so empty.

My eyes ran over the note for the eleventh time that week, the last trace I had of her:

_Dear Edward,_

_I'm sorry, but I can't do this. I can't do any of this. I've gotten in too deep, and it doesn't help that I'm going to college in Alaska while you'll be in Pennsylvania. It's easier to end it now while I still have a chance. I'm sorry._

_Bella_

Hadn't she had claimed she would always love me? That every second she thought of me, and I was the reason she got up in the morning? How fast feelings could change. I gave her my heart, and all I got in return was a stupid letter. Everything had been a lie. I had lost the only girl I thought had loved. I had lost her smile, her touch, her love. Distance was no excuse.

I had returned to Forks, my hometown, for the summer after my freshman year at Carnegie Mellon. When I got home, it was everything I expected and more. Bella had moved to Forks just this past year, which would explain why I hadn't known her. She, like my sister and her best friend Alice, had just graduated from Forks High School. We got along, a little too well.

And now, it was over.

"Edward! Get up, we're leaving soon!" Alice shrieked from behind my door. I groaned; today was going to be a long day.

_California._ I had packed and was ready to go on our little family excursion for a week. At least, I was as ready as I'd ever be. It didn't hold much appeal anymore. _Too bad it wouldn't be anything like my dream._

I shrugged off my bed and managed to fall on the ground. "Ow," I mumbled as my hands instinctively rubbed my side which was now probably going to have a bruise. _What a great way to start the day._

When I left my room, Alice wasn't at my door, where I half-expected her to be. Instead, I heard laughter from the kitchen down the stairs and trudged downwards. I was completely 

aware of my outfit, or lack of one, as soon as the kitchen was in sight. The only articles covering me were my boxers and a white t-shirt. I stood there, feeling naked before everyone's eyes. Her eyes lingered on me for only a second too long, but she continued cheerfully, turning back to my family members. _Bella was here._ I knew she was coming, but still I wasn't expecting her. This wasn't going to be just a long day; it was going to be a long week.

"Morning," chirped Alice in her pleasant quirky voice. I could only nod slightly in response with a pitiful smile plastered on my face.

I contemplated turning straight back into my room, but it couldn't get any worse now. I was too far in, and there was no use leaving for now. I managed to grab a bowl and sit myself at the table at the only available chair, across from Bella. My arms mechanically poured the cereal into the bowl, which kind, I couldn't tell you though. Bella hands pushed the milk carton carefully to me. "Thanks," I muttered. She politely smiled back, and I couldn't help remembering every breathtaking smile she's ever given me. It surely didn't help a thing.

Mom's voice pulled me out of my reverie, "Are you all packed up, Edward?"

I chewed and swallowed before answering, hoping my voice wasn't hoarse. "Yes, Mom, I packed everything yesterday."

"Well, I still have a bit more things to do before we go. Make sure you're ready in time." Once again, I found myself nodding my head. Esme left the room after excusing herself, and I looked up for once. My eyes travelled the room, and what they discovered didn't excite me in the least bit.

I forced my head back onto the only other person in the room. She started a shallow and polite conversation, "How are you?"

I gulped. How was I exactly? Could I tell her I was dreading everything? That I wasn't good? That I was questioning everything, slowly falling to pieces? How could I let her know all I wanted was for her to be mine, and she had deprived me of that? "Good. You?"

"Great. I'm excited to go to California! I've never been there before." I already knew that. She had told me she had never been anywhere but Arizona, Florida, and, of course, Washington. Did she expect me to have forgotten that in a week?

"You'll love it." Too bad I won't. "You just have to remember to wear sunscreen. If you don't, it'd pretty much suck." She winced at the last part. Apparently she hadn't forgotten how I told her I once fell asleep on the beach for four hours, only to wake up with a terrible burning and sun poisoning. That vacation hadn't turned out well. Thankfully Alice and Emmett had been considerate enough to keep me company in the hotel the rest of the vacation. _Emmett._ If there was one good thing about the trip, it was that I would get to see my older brother. He had attended his sophomore year at the University of Pittsburgh, right next to my own school. Still, I had had hardly any time to see him with all the work I had to do.

"Yeah," she laughed nervously as I realized I had been spacing out with my eyes rested on her for too long a time. I bent my head down. If things weren't awkward before, they most definitely were now. My own personal savior rushed in at that moment though, allowing me to breathe.

"Bella, you _have_ to help me find my bright pink top. I can't find it!" Bella jumped at the chance and accompanied Alice into her room, in search of a meaningless object. Sometimes Alice's trifles could come in handy.

I sighed in relief before returning to my own room. My head was barely connected to my body as I grabbed clothes and carried myself into the shower. Though the hot water usually soothed me, it offered no help today, but rather seemed to cloud my mind.

How could I last a week—seven days—168 hours—10080 minutes—with Bella, the one no longer mine? How could I survive temporarily living in paradise with an angel who seemed more like a devil to me? Was I strong enough to do that? Would I want it to last? Could I, would I?

The answer to all of the above: undecided.

Finally I was done and sauntered back downstairs with my luggage. It hadn't had helped at all. I was still too confused, and…undecided. If I were confident Edward Anthony Masen Cullen, I would steal Bella right back, convince her that her pleas were meaningless and we were simply meant to be, no matter what. If I was brave, I'd be honest and get her back, never let her go.

Truth is, I wasn't brave or confident. I felt quite shitty.

I looked up, and Dad was just sitting there on the sofa at ease. As soon as I met his gaze, he immediately recognized something was wrong. "Hey, Edward," he greeted me while his eyes held questions.

"Hey, Dad," I sighed and took a seat on the piano bench. His eyes never left mine.

He dropped the superficial façade and cut to the chase. "What's the matter? You don't seem the same anymore, Edward, and it frightens me."

I should have seen this coming. Yet, I didn't mind it. Carlisle was a good father, and I always knew I could talk to him, and this wasn't an exception. "Dad, I'm not suicidal," I joked.

He chuckled lightly. "I know that, son, but you're not happy anymore."

"Is it that obvious?"

"I'm afraid so," he gravely replied. He saw my eyes flicker towards Bella's voice in the other room, and he suddenly understood. His voice dropped, "Does it have to do with Bella?"

"Yes," I barely whispered, shame playing on my face. I'm sure he knew that I had never reacted this way before because of a girl. I was always composed, but that was not the case here. I wanted him to yell at me for my stupidity. I wanted him to tell me this was ridiculous, not to be weak because of some girl.

Apparently he knew what I needed to hear, and not what I wanted. He brought himself closer to me before he performed his monologue, "Edward, you still have time. You don't have to get bent over one girl. Let her have her space for now, neither of you are getting married anytime soon, you'll still have another chance _if_ you want it. Did you know that your mother and I were together and apart three times before we got married? Now we're as happy as ever. Everything we went through just made it that much better, that much stronger. It's not the worst thing in the world to break up once." So, there was still hope?

I felt a little better after his speech, and I'm sure he noticed. "I'm going to go upstairs and check everything over before we leave," he excused himself, leaving me in my own solitary company. My eyes closed for a second as my mouth let out a long, relaxed breath. Before I knew it, my fingers were dancing on the grand piano in front of me. The tempo started out fast, but in time slowed down. Harsh, angry notes turned into subtle, calm melodies. I was pouring out my emotions the only way I knew how, through music. It worked better than anything else.

I wished Bella could hear me now, listen to my feelings. After all, my emotions spilling out now were all for her and no one else. Every second, every note was meant for her and every lie she had told me in the course of two months. I forgot everything Carlisle had said to me earlier in return for every sentence Bella had murmured to me ever.

I was her true love. I was the one she always dreamt about. I was the only one who could make her day every day. I was the only man she ever wanted to date, could see dating. Every second I was in her mind. She needed me to sleep at night. If I was happy, she was happy. If I was sad, she was sad. _That's everything she's told me, and none of it was real._

The sad thing: if you reversed the roles in those statements, it fit me perfectly. _She_ was my true love. _She_ was the one I always dreamt about. _She_ was the only one who could make my day every day. _She_ was the only woman I ever wanted to date, could see dating. Every second _she_ was on my mind. I need _her_ to sleep at night. If _she_ was happy, I was happy. If _she_ was sad, I was sad.

I shook my head, chasing away the melancholy, and the melody became more intense, only to end in her lullaby.

My eyes opened once more as my hands rested, and to my surprise, I wasn't the only one in here. _Everyone_ had come downstairs and stood in silence near the door. My gaze ran over every one of them, but skipped _hers._ I smiled slightly to ease the tension. Hopefully no one caught the ancient sadness in that innocent act.

Finally, Alice spoke up. "Edward, pick your butt up off that piano bench and bring your suitcase to the car." I complied, for now.


	3. Chapter 3: Bruised

**Author's Note:** The next two chapters are short, but I couldn't really drag it out anymore. Sorry about that and the wait. This was the hardest chapter to write, and when Sarah and the library give you good books, you read. Thanks to alexz1jude, blinding-rainbows, and ForeverIndebted for reviewing last chapter. And of course alexz1jude for beta-ing and giving me advice. Read and review and I'll write faster. By the way, I couldn't resist with the pickup lines.

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**Chapter 3: Bruised**

_And don't fly fast  
Oh, pilot can you help me? Can you make this last?  
This plane is all I got so keep it steady, now  
Cause every inch you see is bruised_

My eyes took in the beautiful scene before me, the last glimpse of California I would have before I returned to my normal life. I realized I would miss this week, extremely. I went in thinking I would have to suffer and stay incomplete, but I was now leaving feeling I would suffer and be incomplete without it.

There had been no other word to describe the week but perfect. It had all been as easy as breathing. It had all seemed a blur in which every waking moment made me all that happier. It had passed at the beach with Alice, Emmett and his girlfriend, Rosalie, and of course, Bella. Staying up late, hanging in each other's rooms, laughing and bonding had been the course of the whole week. Bella and I overlooked the earlier past and had as much fun as ever, despite everything. All our worries were gone because in a paradise, nothing really mattered.

However, on a plane ride away from that little piece of paradise on earth, you can't help but worry. And worry I did.

That angel beside me would be gone. Everything would be cat in a shadow again. This plane ride was all I had, and I didn't want it to end. I needed it to last. I wasn't quite ready to give up this last remaining piece of paradise.

"I like your pants; they'd look better on my floor."

"Lame," she giggled, "If your right leg was Christmas and your left leg was Easter, would you let me spend time in between the holidays?"

I shook my head. For the past ten minutes we'd been having a pick-up line competition. "I've heard that one before. Why, just the other day I used it on Jessica at the beach," I joked, receiving a playful slap on the back of my head. She knew I hadn't been interested in Jessica one bit when Bella was there. "Alright, fine. You have pretty eyeballs. You know, they'd be better if they were eying my pretty eyeballs."

She plain-out laughed at this one. "They say the skin is the largest organ of the human body, but not in my case."

"Since when do you have a penis?" I couldn't help but breathe in between laughs. We looked so happy and comfortable together right now that anyone would think we were _together._ _We were before_, I told myself while gazing at her perfect smile before she yawned. "Are you tired?"

"No," she answered too quickly.

She was never much of an actress, so I detected her lie quite easily and began to hum her lullaby, putting her to sleep. I, myself, couldn't sleep at all. I didn't want to waste these last precious moments with her unconscious.

When we landed at the airport in Washington, I would leave for Pennsylvania without Bella. I would return to Carnegie Mellon with no evident change from the previous year before this summer. I wouldn't be any wiser, any smarter. I wouldn't have a girl to call my own or a summer fling I cared to talk about. Because the truth is, Bella was much more than a fling. If I hadn't known any better, I would have thought I loved her. All I would have to show would be the bruises that had formed ever so conspicuously over the course of three months.

The flight attendant walked by, and I caught her with my voice. "Excuse me, may I have some headphones?" She nodded, and before I knew it, I was listening to music. Not my own, but the in-flight radio's.

Somehow every song reminded me of how much I'd miss her, how much I never wanted to leave. I wanted to be able to see Bella all the time, like I had grown accustomed to. I simply couldn't leave, I knew.

And yet, I had to.

I couldn't stand looking at her sleeping face anymore, so I swiftly emerged from my seat, only stopping to tie my shoe. In those few seconds it took me to do so, a whole life flashed before my eyes. What Bella and I would have been if we stayed together. I wanted it, I wanted every second of it.

I frowned, but continued thinking. I could see a child cry, and still I could only hear songs, lyrics that made me want to stay with her. This definitely wasn't going to be easy. I need this to last.

I passed my parents on my way to the bathroom. They seemed as happy as ever. Carlisle and Esme, they had broken up three times when they were younger, and yet they lasted. They were the definition of meant to be. They were perfect together. Could that possibly be me and Bella?

I shook my head and those thoughts. I really needed to wake up. Inside the claustrophobic stall, I splashed the cold water on my face and looked at myself in the mirror. I found it hard to breathe. The limited space only brought more fears to me, and I had to leave.

Alice noticed me on my way back to my seat. "Edward!" Apparently she had been talking an ear off to her neighbor, and she wasn't much of a dynamic conversationist.

"Yes, little one?"

If looks could kill after I said that last line. "Ugh, don't call me that. It's not my fault you're freakishly tall, brother."

I chuckled, despite the dreariness the flight had taken on me. "I'm perfectly normal in size for others my age."

"That's what you think," she muttered so quietly I could barely hear her. Her voice picked up volume, "Oh, Edward, don't do that creepy staring thing you always do with Bella. Especially when she's sleeping. Unless, you know, you want to be a perv." I shook my head, too annoyed to speak. Was I really that obvious? "Aw, it's not that bad, but you should tone it down a little bit."

"Does she know?" I whispered.

"What? That you're madly in love with her?" I think it meant to be a joke, but it hit dead on. In response, she gasped. "Edward Cullen, you're in love with Bella," she accused me, her eyes lighting up.

"She doesn't want me," I protested, and then added, "Not anymore."

She quickly ignored my last sentence. "Have you told her?"

"Of course--" The light belt seat flashed, and a flight attendant ushered me to my seat, beside Bella, leaving me with my own thoughts again.

I had told her I loved her, but that was before that letter. Now I knew, Bella and I wouldn't work out. A relationship consists of mutual love, but if she didn't love me, there was no chance. My fingers traced the letter, the one that had cut me deep, in my pocket. Those words confirmed every doubt. That's why I had to make the best out of what little time I had now. Unfortunately, I had let Bella sleep.

I was sure this would be the last time I saw her, and it ended all too soon. Everything I had done this week, it would just hurt me more. Feeling that close to her and yet so far away was an unsettling feeling. If I believed we had a chance, it would only end up wounding me. I would never let it go.

I was a complete masochist in every sense, I knew. I would replay every second spent with Bella in my head, just to make it that much worse. I knew it wouldn't relieve the pain, only remind me of what I had lost. I couldn't help myself though as she spoke those final words, "Bye, Edward."

To her, those words were carefree and held no meaning. To me, they were the final goodbye. It was an ending. Those would be the last words directed towards me from her lips. I involuntarily shuddered as she hugged me farewell, not helping the situation at all. She sensed my distance in that simple touch and dropped her arms immediately. I could only watch as she embraced everyone else, and then it hit me, full force.

I would have to live without this girl. This is perhaps the most important goodbye of my life. I wouldn't see Bella again.

She turned to leave, too quickly, and I barely thought, I just ran. My arms wrapped around her, too much like a lover's embrace. My lips brushed her hair as I searched for words I couldn't find.

Eventually, I let go of her, let her walk out of my life. My eyes stayed on her leaving figure. Where's that sunset when you needed it?

"Goodbye, Isabella Marie Swan. I love you," my whisper faded into the airport behind her.

Alice was the one to pull me out of it. "Dude, she's not going to come back if you just keep staring at her ass."

_Sometimes perfection can be perfect hell, and I sure as hell didn't know any better about love._


	4. Chapter 4: I'm Ready

**Author's Note:** Ahhh, this was my favorite chapter, though it might be a bit off character. Tell me what you think in a review, and I just might give you a quote from next chapter. Thanks alexz1jude, aka my hero, for being my beta.

Oh, and I posted a new story, _Never Change_. If no one reviews though, I don't know if I'll continue, so be sure to read and review.

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**Chapter 4: I'm Ready**

_I grip the wheel and all at once I realize:  
My life has become a boring pop song  
And everyone's singing along._

_What brought me here?_ I asked myself. _What brought me to and not even recognize my own self?_ The person in the mirror was one I would have pitied, walked by with a look of sympathy. Cheeks sallow, eyes puffy, hair unkempt, bones clearly obvious through the thin skin. This was not me. I had never remembered myself like this. Was this stranger a result of swallowing in self pity for too long? Was it because I let everything get too out of hand? I already knew the answer. _Of course it was._

And I was done with it.

I was done with this life. I had let everything pass, including time in this life. It had lasted five months, and I wouldn't allow it to last any longer. Just because life had thrown me obstacles didn't mean I had to cry with self defeat—just give up. I could do better. I could overcome everything in my way, and I'm going to. The glass was half full. I was young and in college, typically the best years of my life. Shouldn't I be enjoying them rather than living them in misery? I knew before I could enjoy anything there were things I had to fix, but for once, I was willing. I was willing to try, to be strong.

No longer am I going to deteriorate because my thoughts linger on a girl who was not meant for me, a girl with whom both our chances had been thrown away. That obstacle I was done with. _I was moving on._ I smiled at the thought. That particular wound didn't hurt anymore. It was as if someone had poured salt over it while I was sleeping, and I didn't feel a thing.

While that wound inflicted no pain on me anymore, the face in the mirror did. "Edward, you really let yourself go," I muttered to myself. I sighed. Talking to myself wasn't exactly going to help in any way. Proving to myself that I was crazy wouldn't comfort me at all.

I made a mental to-do list in my head. First things first, I needed to clean myself. Though I wasn't quite sure if I wanted to date again, I was certain being presentable was a must for my self esteem. A proper shower was essential.

The warm water soothed me. However, when I looked in the mirror again, I still flinched. Though I did look a bit better, I still looked rather strange. With a towel wrapped around my waist, I walked past the despicable figure lying on the couch. When I thought about it, I had no clue why I allowed James to live in my apartment. I had only met him this year, and he was one of those bad-ass stoners. He was no true friend; he only harmed me. It was apparent in how he lent me no hand in the worst I've ever had. Sure, a temporary numbness from the pain would feel good at the time, but it only hurt me in the long run. How long would I have been able to forget without senses?

The face whose might have once considered a friend was now an enemy's.

Somehow I managed to pass him without exploding. I suppressed my thoughts and instead went into my own room and pulled on some clothes. Hell, who cares if I had already worn my shirt yesterday? Society was all a sham, anyway. You had to live by its rules to be accepted. Anything and everything happened because society accepted or denied it. If you thought or acted differently, you were deemed insane. What if in reality, everyone in society was insane? Still, the one oddball would be called the unstable one. Right now, in that case, I should be checking into a mental institute simply because I questioned society and wasn't completely shallow.

"Hey man?" His voice dwindled from the living room, ending my train of thought. He was waiting for me to respond, but I just ignored him. "Can you get me something for my hangover?"

My head swung towards him. "Get it yourself." His face gaped at me at the thought that I would actually stand up against him. _I wasn't going to let him push me around._ "Oh, and don't throw up on my furniture." When I grabbed my keys and rushed out the door, his eyes were wide in shock as was his mouth, until he had to duck into the bathroom. I chuckled under my breath.

I stepped outside, and the sun shined a little brighter. A thin layer of snow covered the earth, and a slight chill filled the air. The trees shuddered with the slight wind, blowing. Despite the grays of the trees, it all was so beautiful and anything but dead. Everything seemed so…alive.

It reminded me of a snow globe Esme always kept in her drawer. When I was younger, I would sneak into her and Carlisle's room to watch the flakes of snow fall to the ground. It always amazed me by no matter how many times I shook it and futilely attempted to ruin the perfect world, it remained the same picture perfect scene. It could take anything and end up in the same, beautiful condition. Whatever mishap had occurred no longer showed.

Irony never fit me better.

For once I felt in control as buckled into my car. I decided I needed caffeine and quickly drove to the coffee shop. Once inside, I looked around. There were holiday decorations everywhere, leaving it with a more cheerful mood. I hadn't realized the date on the calendar until now. Everyone was living their lives, and they seemed happier than usual. It just felt so normal, so comfortable. I realized how just yesterday coming here would have brought me thoughts of someone I once loved and needed, sending me groveling. Today I found was different. I embraced everything with open arms, and everything seemed to embrace me. I sat with my coffee, grinning at everyone whose eyes caught mine. I truly was doing a lot better, and it became clearer with every action. With one last gulp, I threw the empty cup out and returned to my car with my cell phone in hand, dialing a number I had long ago memorized.

"_¿Hola? Yo soy ocupado. ¿Manuel?"_ I groaned. She obviously wasn't too happy with me.

I tried my best to keep my voice calm, "Alice, cut the crap, please. I was wondering if you wanted to meet up tonight and do something. We could go watch a game or go eat or,"_ gulp,_ "shop. I haven't seen you in a while sis."

"_And you wonder why? Why do you even want to see me? Are you broke?"_ I could hear the suspicion coated in her voice.

"No, Alice. I miss my little sister. I do admit I fucked up, but I want to fix it. I'm willing to do whatever. I'm done living the way I have. I'm changing, and it's for the better." I could almost see the frown on her face as she contemplated what I said. She had to forgive me, though. She was my closest friend, and she might just be my only one.

Her voice softened, _"Alright, Edward. I'm sorry for jumping to conclusions. Maybe you are worthy for me to call you my brother."_ Ouch. Had she previously disowned me? _"Just kidding. Well, you are, but you get it. So you're changing, huh?"_

My voice let out in a frustrated sigh despite the smile on my face. "Bye Alice."

I was about to press the button to hang out when Alice stopped me, _"Wait! We haven't decided what we're doing."_ Not shopping, not shopping not shopping. Please not shopping. _"We can go bowling and I can introduce you to some of my friends. Oh, and I think Emmett will probably be there too."_ Another person with whom I had to make up, explain and get him to understand, forgive me. Today would take everything I had.

"Thanks so much Alice for giving me a second chance," I earnestly paid her gratitude, "I know how I've been this past few months."

"_Yada__, yada, blah, blah. Next time I'll ignore you longer, _Edward_," _she exaggerated my name, but I could tell she was joking her exasperation,_ "No more 'Alice, I'm truly sorry. You're the best sister in the world and my best friend.' And next time you won't get to meet my boyfriend."_

"Boyfriend!?" I chimed. Alice was never the one to have a steady boyfriend. Her cheerfulness and perkiness could sometimes be seen as intimidating, and most guys in high school just couldn't handle it.

She sounded truly hurt_, "You sound so shocked. Is there something wrong with me?"_

I shuddered at what I must be doing to her ego. "Of course not, Alice. It's just, you've always seemed much too good for the boys you've met." Ok, I was milking it up, but it worked. I could almost see her pleased smile as I praised her.

"_Alright, bye. 6:30, don't be late."_ I nodded without realizing she couldn't see me. By the time I noticed my little act of stupidity, it was too late to say anything.

Before I could do anything with my true friends, my siblings nonetheless, I had to do something about the fake one feeding off me in my apartment.


	5. Chapter 5: La La Lie

**Author's Note:** To be honest with you, I hated this chapter. I didn't like it one bit. Next chapter, however, I love writing. Hehe, dark blue. Thanks to the few who reviewed last chapter and alexz1jude for being my beta and assuring me everything is good. She's a lifesaver. So, you know what to do. I love getting those reviews, and you should love leaving them because you get a quote from the next chapter out of the deal. The ones I sent from this chapter I changed, but it works better.

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**Chapter 5: La La Lie**

_The song for a long goodbye  
I'm coming back to my girl by July_

"I'm not your tool anymore. Pack up and leave." I pinched the bridge of my nose with my thumb and index finger. I hadn't expected this to be easy, but it was still much of a nuisance.

"What the fuck do you expect me to do? Eddie, I have nowhere to go! You can't just kick me out!" His screaming, at the least, irritated me.

I had to fight myself to keep my voice calm, "I'm done with everything James. You've only used me. You never helped me once," I saw the disbelief in his eyes, "Intoxicating me does not help, James! You can live your life that way, but I refuse to live another day like that! What happens when you wake up one day and realize what you did all these years? Or worse, what if you don't wake up? What if you overdose? I'm not willing to throw out every opportunity I ever had just to be an idiot!" Okay, I had lost it. He deserved it though. _I was done._ I was done with the cheap life, and he was a part of it. He had to go.

"What if tomorrow you realize you were wrong, Cullen? What if you fucking need me again? I can't believe I ever trusted you!" And with that, he puked into the toilet again.

I couldn't help but laugh at his pitiful form. "Look at you, I can't say I'll miss that." I glanced at the clock. 5:53. I really had to hurry. "Look James, I'm going to go out with my _friends_ now," I sneered, "By the time I'm back, you better be gone. Otherwise, I'll call the cops and peg you with possession of cocaine." Harsh, I know, but I knew it would work. He wouldn't realize he had just as much dirt on me as I had on him.

As I ducked out the door, three weakly muttered words made me snicker. "I hate you."

I was in such a good mood after leaving my apartment. I had finally done what I meant to do, kick James out. Now that it was over, I could breathe.

Until I realized what I had to do now.

Alright, it wasn't that bad. Any other day before those hard five months, I would have been excited, but now I just had that sick feeling in my stomach. It hardly went away as I pulled up in front of the bowling alley, taking a breath to collect myself. It was now or never, and now was preferable, so I willed myself to step out of the car.

"Edward!" My sister screamed upon seeing me, and she ran up and hugged me.

"Hey, Alice," I chuckled, but then she stepped back almost as if realizing she was supposed to be cold to me. Right on cue, the temperature dropped a little. "Um, is anyone else here?"

She nodded and craned her neck in the direction of the entrance, "They're all inside already. I'll introduce you." With that, she started walking. "Come on." I hurried to follow her. Despite her size, she was rather quick. Before I knew it, she threw open the door and we were inside. I immediately saw Emmett on the left with Rosalie and a few others I didn't know and started walking towards them.

Rosalie was the first one to notice me. "Oh, hey Edward," she said nonchalantly. I nodded at her as my brother turned around, finally noticing me.

"Eddie," he greeted me coldly. I did all I could not to snap at him for calling me that.

To contrast his coldness, I warmly replied, "Hey, bro," and gave him a pat on the back (which was a bit hard considering his size.) A rather faint smile appeared on his face.

As we were exchanging those few words, my sister was embracing a tall blonde guy who appeared to be my own age. My sister blushed and grinned, and they separated. "Edward, this is Jasper, Angela, and Ben." She nodded toward each one in turn. "Jasper, Angela, Ben, this is my brother, Edward." The gentle-looking girl with brown hair and brown eyes waved at me while the other one lent me a smile.

The blonde one, who had been hugging Alice, apparently named Jasper, took a step forward and shook my hand. "Nice to meet you."

"You too."

The one name Ben spoke up now, "Alright, everything's already taken care of, so let's get started!"

About an hour in, I realized I was actually having a good time. It was seriously surprising.

It was even more surprising when Emmett spoke to me when we were waiting for our turns.

"I want to ask you something, Edward."

I impulsively gulped. This might not be good. "Shoot."

Emmett nodded, and suddenly I noticed how serious and concentrated he looked at this moment. "Have you changed for real? Or are you bullshitting everyone?"

My words came out too fast, "Of course I've changed. I'm done with everything. I'm starting a new chapter in my life. I'm different now. Though I'm not the same as I was a year ago, I never will be. I've changed for the better."

"But can I believe you? Esme and Carlisle are really worried about you." I could tell he wanted to trust me but couldn't quite bring himself to. "It sure was a shock to find their golden boy going down the wrong path."

I hated to talk about what I had done these past months. They weren't smart decisions, nor would I ever repeat them again." I really had changed or was going to. Of course, it hadn't even been a day yet, but I had woken up a different person. "Emmett, there's no way I can make you believe me, but time will show you. I'm getting my life back on track."

That was all he needed. Reassured, he pulled me into a bear hug. "I missed you little brother."

"Thanks," I mumbled before Rosalie stole back my brother's attention.

Once he left his spot, Jasper took Emmett's seat. "Man, I haven't been bowling in a while."

"Me neither," I laughed as I glanced at his score on the monitor, even lower than mine, "Actually, I haven't done anything in a while."

"That has got to change right away. Seriously, you're in college, and Alice has told me all you've done is stay at home. Well, your apartment." Alice had been too kind then, not telling him of my vices.

"Speaking of Alice," I began.

"Speaking of Alice, she looks like she needs me right now," he said, looking at her with nothing but adoration. Huh, maybe he did really like her. I decided to tell him that, resulting in a smile from him.

"Alice is amazing, man. She's just what I need." This guy really was good for her. I felt happy for her, but also sympathetic for myself. Everyone had someone else, except for me. Still, I didn't allow myself to think of that. I was stronger than that. "I'm going to go now. I'll see you later, Edward."

I nodded. "Bye Jasper."

All at once, I realized I did have friends, or others who I could easily befriend. I wasn't alone in this world. I wouldn't be left to suffer through my life without anybody behind me. It was a good feeling to have, and for once I felt great.

Within a few minutes, everyone left, leaving me alone. I was about to trudge through the door, when my phone beeped. I glanced at the photo on the screen, not even needing the name to know just who it was. "Oh shit."


	6. Chapter 6: Dark Blue

**Author's Note:** Sorry it took me so long to come out with this chapter. I won't make any excuses. I'll just say I'm a terrible person. I really think I did a bad job with the song. Forgive me? I was too excited that I actually finished that I didn't bother checking with my beta. Perhaps some of you are insomniacs like me and might get some use from my last at night (or early in the morning?) update. Review and you shall get a quote from next chapter. You reviewers are the only ones that keep me going.

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**Chapter 6: Dark Blue**

_What did you possibly expect under this condition  
So slow down, _

_This nights a perfect shade of  
Dark blue, dark blue  
Have you ever been alone in a crowded room_

_Well I'm here with you  
I said the world could be burning and burning down_

I sat in the coffee shop alone. It was exactly 8 o'clock, the time Bella said to meet her here. I wondered how she was doing, and what she thought of me now. _Well, you're going to find out now,_ I thought as she came in. She scanned the shop, looking for me. I smiled when her eyes caught mine. Her smile in return was breathtaking. That is, until it turned into a slight frown as she approached me.

"You look horrible," she fussed as I motioned for her to take a seat.

"Thanks," I chuckled, but she only shook her head.

"So how have you been?" There it was—the dreaded question. How have I been? Did she want the truth or some fabricated lie to not let her know how I really felt? I chose the former.

"Just as I look," I muttered before picking my head up to look at her, "Honestly Bella, did you expect me to be all fine and dandy, having teatime and giving out free smiles? These past couple of months have been excruciating for me. I couldn't sleep, I couldn't breathe, I couldn't feel. Without you, there was no me. I didn't feel the same. I couldn't do anything without seeming entirely fake until just recently."

"Edward," was all she said before she threw her arms around me.

"How have you been?" I asked casually while still in her embrace.

"I've been faring better. I managed."

"I guess I'm the lovesick puppy here, then," I meekly laughed. Now I knew I couldn't tell her the truth about how I was feeling now. I had honestly hoped for her to feel the same I did, though I knew it was selfish. I wanted her to hurt the same way I did, for her to know with every bone in her body that she needed me. However, I suppressed my thoughts and kissed the top of her head while I had the chance. It seemed right to have her in my arms. It was the only right thing in a life full of wrong.

"Edward, don't ever doubt I love you," she whispered, her lips grazing my ear then resting on my cheek for a few seconds. I smiled. This was my Bella.

After what seemed like an endless moment in pure bliss, I pulled away from her gently. "Is there anything you want?"

In response, her eyes widened with shock. Apparently she hadn't realized we were still in the coffee shop with other people surrounding us. My smile widened and I shook my head at her. "Silly Bella, you got too caught up," I joked, "I seem to affect you in the strongest of ways."

She let out a laugh I had longed to hear for a while and picked herself off her chair. My eyes warily followed her as she went up to the counter without allowing any objection from me. She came back with two coffees in her hands, and as she was nearing the table, she stumbled. Within a heartbeat I was in front of her, catching her warm body in my arms. "Careful, love," I breathed. She didn't respond, but rather looked straight ahead. My face twisted into a frown to see what she was staring at with horror written on her face. I looked down, and there it was. The coffee had spilled on my shirt. So that's why she felt a little too warm.

"I'm so sorry!" She squealed as her face turned crimson.

I managed to smile as I looked at her straight in the face. "No blood, no foul." My eyes travelled back down to my shirt. "But would you mind if we left so I could change?"

She shook her head. It was unfathomably cute to me. "Not at all. I'm sorry, it's my fault."

"Bella, I made you a promise, and just because I got a little dirty from keeping it doesn't mean it's your fault." Her face told me she didn't quite understand what I was talking about. "I told you I wouldn't let you fall." My finger tapped her nose lightly before I gathered her hand in mine. Despite her worry, her face relaxed as we walked our way out of the shop.

"Where are we going?" She asked as I ushered her into my car.

I placed myself in the driver's seat. "My apartment," I answered shortly.

She raised her eyebrows. "I'm going to get to see how the prodigy lives?"

I snorted. "Prodigy, yeah. More like son who let his family down, and basically everyone." Even though I barely muttered it, I knew she heard me and chose to ignore it. There were just some of those awkward things to hear. I had had my own fair share of them.

After a few minutes, "Do you live by yourself?"

"Since recently, I have." We passed Pittsburgh University, her new school she had transferred to after the first semester. Alice also attended it, so that's all it took her to switch colleges.

"Hmmm," she clucked, and I decided to explain.

"About two weeks in, I met James, and he needed somewhere to stay, so I allowed him in my apartment. At first he paid a small amount, but eventually he stopped. He got into deeper shit, harder drugs. He brought me down with him, though I was never the one to like it," I realized I was telling Bella everything I didn't want her to hear, "Well, at least I had my boundaries. I didn't do everything he did. Yesterday I got so fed up, I kicked him out."

She nodded as if she understood all of this, and for a second I wondered if she did.

"Well, anyway, we're home," I said as I pulled in at my apartment and led the way into it.

She surveyed the room and nodded approvingly slightly. "Nice. No clothes sprawled out on the floor," she joked.

I grinned. "You know me better than that.," it was my turn to joke around, "I'm no sloppy manwhore like you." I could tell you she was trying not to laugh when she covered her mouth and tried to reciprocate. For her own good, I cut her off, earning a playful shove. "Just kidding."

She spread out on my bed, looking up at the ceiling. "Hmm, what do you want to do?"

I sat down next to her. "It's your first time here, and you're already claiming the bed? Man, you must be a dominatrix."

"You are going too far, mister." And with that, she was full-forcedly attacking me, tickling any part of me she could.

"I'm…I…I'm sorr…sorry," I got in between laughs. She retreated with a smirk. Before she knew it, I was getting her back.

"Edward!" She squealed, and I stopped with a mischievous look plastered on my face.

"Why, yes Bella?"

"You are so dead!" She tried attacking me again, but I easily pinned her arms, pulling her into me.

I could feel the hostility emanating from her as I enunciated, "Now isn't this so much better?"

"No," she grumbled, and I chuckled quietly as I reached for the remote with her body still close to mine. The only problem was when the TV wouldn't turn on and the lights went off. Surprisingly, she laughed. "I didn't want to watch TV much anyway."

I shook my head, invisible to her, but she could still feel it, and pulled myself off my bed. "I'm going to see what happened, alright?"

"Don't be silly, I'll come with you," she sounded offended and searched for my hand which grabbed hers. She followed me to the power box, which I tried but didn't work.

"Looks like the power's shot and not coming back anytime soon," I whispered. Just then, the sky grumbled in a flash of lightning.

She squealed, "I've always been afraid of thunder. I'm sorry, I know, it's childish."

I moved closer to her and wrapped my arms around her to placate her. "Shh, don't worry about it." She nodded into my shirt, easing up a bit. Absentmindedly, I stroked her hair.

After what seemed like a peaceful forever, she broke the silence. She tilted her head back so her brown eyes connected with mine. Even in the darkness, I could discern her beautiful face. "Can we go back to your room now? I'm tired of standing."

I chuckled and released her but still took her hand. "Sure, Bella. You're not driving back anytime soon anyway when it's like that outside."

"Thanks," she whispered as we made our way back to my bed where we both collapsed. I couldn't help but wonder if she meant for keeping here with me or just getting off our feet. Either way, she was mine for the night.

Another roll of thunder roared, startling her once more. I pulled her into my arms again and settled comfortably. Her head was resting on my chest, and I realized this was what I wanted every day. "I have an idea," she muttered, "How about we play Truth?"

I vaguely remembered that game from sleepovers Alice had when she was younger. She and her friends would stay up forever and play it, embarrassing each other. "That middle school game? Isn't it all about humiliating each other?"

"It doesn't have to be." She said it simply enough as if it settled it.

"Remind me of the rules," I told her.

"You tell the truth."

I cocked my eyebrow. "Is that it?"

She lifted her head so she could see my face. "Well, mostly. If you really want to get in depth, it doesn't end until there's a question someone chooses to pass, he…"

"Or she," I interrupted her, resulting her in shaking her head. She apparently believed I would be the one to break down.

"Or she," she added for my entertainment, but not without rolling her eyes, "must ask another question, and if the other answers, the answerless loses."

I nodded to show my understanding. "So who's first? Just for the record, that wasn't my question."

"It doesn't matter," she informed me, but continued with one of her own questions, "What's the worst you ever got on a test?"

"A zero." I could feel her eyes questioned, so I felt obliged to add, "It was a touchy subject. I refused to take it. The teacher was angry, but not as disappointed as my parents. Alice agreed with me, though. What's the longest you've gone without sleep?"

One of Bella's questions surprised me, though I was happy she asked it. "Have you ever had the feeling that no matter how horribly messed up something was, that moment could still be perfect? That that is the moment you live for?"

For me, that could only apply to this moment in time. I knew she wasn't truly mine, but she was close enough to me right now to convey that every fear I had was unjustified and unimportant. She assured me that in a time of so little right, there was actually so much in just this simplicity of the night. For the moment, everything was as it should be.

The questions went on like that, eventually dwelling into more dangerous territory as time passed.

"How many boyfriends have you had?"

"Three. I had one senior year, Mike Newton. We didn't last long, a month or so. He was too clingy. Then you, and Jake. What's the worst thing you did to deal with a loss?"

_To deal with losing you?_ I thought. Everything. "I changed who I was. I got into drugs against my better judgment." There, I had finally admitted it, though I'm sure most already knew it. "What do you think about me right now?"

She paused for a minute, contemplating her answer. "I think," she said slowly, "that I wish I could see you doing better. You're worse for wear, but you're still a great guy. I still know why I fell in love with you last summer because of everything you are. You open up your heart, open it up to possible hurt, and yet you don't hesitate. You just put yourself on the line, and I admire you. You're handsome, understanding, kind, outgoing in the most important ways, and you give others a second chance. You deserve any girl you want."

I took some time mulling over what she had said, and I didn't speak until a while later when her breathing was even and I was sure she was dreaming.

"What if I want you?" I whispered into the night.


	7. Chapter 7: Miss Delaney

**Author's Note:** Finally, I'm updating. I bet you thought I was dead, but I'm very much alive. Many thanks to my betas, alexz1jude and carter.emily. They're amazing for letting me talk through my plot and checking my chapters. My story would be even worse without them. Make my day and review. Also, make sure to check out my other story, _Never Change_. Oh, and I saw _The Golden Compass_, and I personally hated it. I couldn't stand it. No offense if you liked it or anything.

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**Chapter 7: Miss Delaney**

_  
Oh, Miss Delaney  
Where's your boyfriend?  
He isn't up in heaven, so  
Why treat him like he's dead_

"I don't think this movie could get any worse," Emmett stage whispered so our whole group could hear. Personally, I couldn't agree with him more. _The Golden Compass_ easily surpassed all other movies on the suckage scale, but I didn't want the whole movie-going audience to hear.

I felt something light hit me, and I turned to see Bella smirking at me before I picked up the improvised note. Before I could read it, she was standing up and making her way out of the theater. She excused herself mainly for Alice's sake, "I'm going to get a drink." She looked at me and the note pointedly, so I gladly read it:

_Meet me outside._

I waited 60 excruciating seconds before I myself got up. "Bathroom," I muttered to Jasper, and he nodded, too far into the movie that I couldn't stand.

Once I was finally in the hall and caught a sight of Bella, I let out a sigh of relief.

"So, what are you planning, Miss Bella?" She merely shrugged and started walking with my trailing behind.

We ended up at the arcade on the other side of the building.

"I bet I can beat you at this racing game," she said, climbing onto one of the seats of those games with the steering wheels.

I chuckled. "You're on."

It turned out she was right, she could beat me. Badly. However, I had a sneaking suspicion that the movie wasn't quite over yet, so we continued playing games. For every game at which I could beat her, there was one more at which she was clearly superior over me.

"For a girl, you're pretty good."

Apparently my comment made her snicker. "You mean I'm better than you?"

I playfully shoved her. "Yes, at some things."

"Touché."

I spotted a photo booth, and searched for five dollars in my pocket. "Come on," I said as I grabbed her hand and pulled her into the almost claustrophobic booth as I fed it the money.

She pretended to groan. "Am I really going to want to remember this night?"

I nodded with a serious expression. "Of course. These will be the last photos of you from the year 2008." That got her to crack a smile just as the first photo was snapped.

"Edward Anthony Cullen," she laughed, "You truly are bizarre."

"Why thank you." I started tickling her, causing her to giggle even more.

"Bella, Edward. Where are you?" A familiar voice cooed.

Both Bella and I looked at each other with guilty expressions. "Shh, don't give us away," I whispered, but it was too late. The curtain opened, and standing in the opening was Rosalie.

"There you guys are. The movie's still going on and on." She stopped and saw the expressions on our faces. "What? I'm not going to make you watch it, too. I got really bored and thought you two would be a lot more fun than some stupid movie."

We let out our breaths and laughed.

The three of us spent the remainder of the movie wasting our money on games. I could almost guarantee we had a much better time than Emmett, Jasper, and Alice did. When they finally found us, the only one who didn't seem upset with us for ditching was Jasper.

"We have to meet Carlisle and Esme at the restaurant now," Alice said without making eye contact with any of us. Obviously, she was hurt. Luckily, she warmed up again at the dinner with our parents.

"What's the most fun you've ever had on New Year's Eve?" We were sitting on the couch in my family's living room. Bella's leg rested against mine ever so slightly as we continued our ever ongoing game of Truth.

I considered my answer for a minute before saying, "Is it cheesy if I say now?"

She shook her head, and I could see a slight blush on her cheeks. "You have to answer the question before you can ask another."

I pretended to sigh. "Now."

"Even with the horrible movie?" she joked.

We both heard the squeals of my sister as Emmett and Jasper rolled plastic wrap around her. Rosalie was watching them warily from her seat while Carlisle and Esme were in the kitchen. They were just happy they could finally meet Alice's new boyfriend and have the whole family together along with a few additions. We'd all have to return back to campus the next day since classes started up again soon.

"How did you ever become friends with Alice?" I asked.

"Well, she was the only one I really felt comfortable with. First period of my first day she sat down right next to me and was the nicest one there, not to mention the most amusing," she giggled. I rolled my eyes as the countdown started and Alice instantly pushed Emmett and Jasper away to watch the television screen.

"For such a small person, you pack quite a punch," Emmett joked.

"7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1!" There was cheering, jumping, dancing, others kissing all around me, but the first thing and only thing I saw and noticed in the new year was Bella. I ducked my head towards hers and brushed my lips against hers gently. When I pulled away, I could see the shock etched on her face.

"Wha—What was that for?" She whispered.

I played up on the innocence. "You mean to tell me you've never been kissed before on the New Year?"

"Not when I have a boyfriend and the one to kiss me isn't him," she stuttered when her colored face and hint of a smile let me know that I would be forgiven.

"Well, there's always a first for everything. Plus, I don't see him here claiming you. While he's the one sitting at home thinking about how much of a loser he is," I smiled at her, something I knew she couldn't resist, "I'm here with the girl."

"Bro, what'd you say to Bella to make her red as a beet?" Emmett asked foolishly with a laugh in his voice. Of course, this made Bella blush even more profusely.

"Oh, nothing," I dismissed with my hand.


	8. Chapter 8: Kill the Messenger

**Author's Note: **Here it is, finally, chapter 8. I realized it takes me so long to write a chapter, and I apologize, but I won't offer any excuses so they're all the same and I don't want to feel cheap. I know I promised to make this chapter longer, but I think I stretched it out as far as it would go. It's certainly longer than last chapter, but I know it's not what you hoped for in length. Hopefully the content will make up for that. I hope you're all having a great summer. Don't forget that if you review, you'll get a quote from the next chapter.

Thanks to my wonderful betas, carter.emily and alexz1jude. They truly help me so much. I'd be afraid to post without them.

* * *

**Chapter 8: Kill the Messenger**

_Kill the messenger  
I swear it's not me  
It's just someone I used to know_

"What's the longest plane ride you've ever been on?" I asked as we stepped off the plane and onto Pennsylvania land.

"Seven hours when I was little, though my stomach didn't take it well." I grimaced, while in a moment's notice her face lit up. I followed her gaze. "Jacob!" She screamed and dropped her bag to run towards some tall, dark stranger. Only he was a stranger to me, and—I gulped—Bella's boyfriend.

He caught her in his arms and twirled her around. They both seemed so…happy. I tried smiling as they kissed, but I couldn't bring myself to do it.

"What are you doing here?" She asked him in between breaths.

"Classes don't start for another week, so I thought I'd come and see you, Bells," he said as he put her down, only to kiss her again. Once they stopped, Bella came back to me again, but this time Jacob was right behind her, and he picked up her bag for her.

"Edward, this is Jacob. Jacob, Edward," Bella introduced us. I couldn't help but notice that as she said those words, Jacob brought his arm around her waist, causing her to squeal.

I tried to swallow the bile in my throat. "Nice to meet you," I muttered as I shook his hand.

"You too." His grasp was firm, and I got the feeling that he was in charge, and I shouldn't bother to mess with him—or Bella.

I quickly realized I'd rather be anywhere but here, so spotting Jasper was a huge help. "Excuse me," I said as I made a run for him.

Jasper understood instantly why I was sought his company. Besides the fact that I was blatantly obvious, Jasper was perceptive. "You knew you had this coming, man."

Okay, that was not what I wanted to hear. I stole a sideways glance at Bella and Jacob again. Jacob's hands moved up underneath Bella's shirt as they were having a conversation. "Yeah, but I always put it off." I looked at Jasper as he looked back at me sympathetically.

"Yeah, I can see why. Obviously you and Bella are close, and she did seem like she liked you a little more than just as friends."

I sighed. "That's what I thought." Their lips met again, first gently, then more urgent. "But God, does he have to shove it in my face so badly?"

"I'm not God," he joked but after noticing the lost expression on my face, he continued with his sympathy fest, but just barely. "I don't think they'll last too long."

I groaned. "Lasting any amount of time is too long."

Jasper clapped his hand on my back. "I can't help you with that, my friend. Patience mate."

"We're not in Australia!" I yelled at him as he retreated back to Alice. He only snickered in response. Alright, he was seriously starting to get on my nerves, as did everyone else.

"Jacob," I imitated Bella so that no one could hear me. If there was one word to describe me, it would probably be bitter. I should be happy for Bella that she's with someone for whom she cares deeply, but I couldn't help but wish that that someone was me. Frankly, I couldn't take it.

"Edward, stop sulking and get your luggage," Alice said as she walked past with Jasper. I reluctantly followed the two.

Bella saw my disgruntled face and asked, "Did the jet lag get to you?" Not wanting to argue with her or cause a scene, especially in front of Jacob, I nodded. Hopefully only Jasper knew I was lying. I doubted it though.

I watched the suitcases and bags move past on the conveyer belt, being guided and tugged along. It seemed so effortless, just gliding along until someone claimed you. It was as if Bella had claimed me once before, but didn't put me back in my right place. I was no longer moving along with everything else. I seemed to be resisting, some lost luggage for which nobody cared.

And so, everything led me to the bar several hours later.

As I was driving back towards my apartment alone—since Jacob had taken Bella, of course, and she drove with me to the airport in the first place a week ago—I was thinking of an escape from everything, and the sign for the bar was just so conveniently placed in my line of vision. I took a sharp right turn and got in and was served without questions, even though technically I was underage.

I sat back with my third glass in front of me. _Apparently, I'm not the only one here,_ I thought as Jacob barreled through the doors, saw me, grinned, and took a seat next to me.

"Hey, Edward, right?"

Wishing he would just leave, I nodded despite myself.

However, he took this as an invitation to talk even more. "You didn't strike me as the type that would slum at a bar," he chuckled.

_And you didn't strike me as the type Bella would date_, I wanted to say. Instead, "You neither."

"Out of body experience," he joked. I raised my eyebrow in question. "No, really, it's a habit of mine. I usually hit the bar with my friends every week," his voice dropped, "even though we are a little young." He grinned once more and added, "Plus, it was on the way to my hotel."

"Ah, the hotel excuse," I joked.

He put his hands up for emphasis as he said, "Hey, it's true. I couldn't stay with Bella since I'm not allowed in the dorm and there's no room."

"How long are staying?" I asked. What I really wanted to know was how long I'd have to stay away from him and ultimately Bella.

Distractedly, he answered, "Three days." The bartender focused her attention on us as Jacob ordered his drink.

Before she went to get his drink, I called out, "And another for me." She eyed me suspiciously as she knew it was my fourth, and I was feeling buzzed already. Jacob only chuckled at the interaction. I couldn't wait for the drinks to be brought back.

I decided to take a chance with my psychological well-being and asked Bella's boyfriend how long they had gone out. I had never truly asked Bella, as I liked to stay in denial, but now there was no way out.

I bit my tongue all the while as I waited for his answer. "Three months, give or take. I'm really lucky to have met her."

_And for that reason, I'm truly unlucky._ "She's a great girl," I said simply. I didn't want him to get too caught up in his answer. He nodded as a smile crept onto his face, and one could tell he was reminiscing.

Luckily, our drinks came then. I couldn't be any more grateful as I downed it in less than a minute and ordered another, which was slid in front of me right before I finished that one too.

"Woah, slow down there, Eddie."

_Eddie._ How much I loathed that name. My name was Edward, had always been. 'Eddie' was not the name on my birth certificate. Jacob had found an easy way to get on my bad side.

"It's Edward," I said loudly while subconsciously pinching the bridge of my nose with my fingers. Jacob merely held his hands up, but I didn't take the time to think about what exactly that gesture meant. I abruptly jumped out of my seat and stalked out of the building.

"Wait, Edward. You can't drive like that!" Someone called behind me. I turned around, and it was none other than Jacob himself.

"Like what?" I screeched. I couldn't deal with him now.

Unfortunately, he didn't get the hint. "You're drunk." As if to prove him right, I stumbled after he spoke. I searched through my pockets for my car keys as I stepped near the driver's side of my silver Volvo and opened the door.

Just as I was about to get in, strong hands grabbed the door and stopped me. "Edward, you're going to kill somebody. I can't let you drive like this. I'll give you a drive and--" I cut him off midsentence as I pummeled my fist into his face, forcing him to retreat slightly as he covered the spot where my fist had connected with his face. It took him a moment before he retaliated.

"You're an asshole, you know that Jacob?" I said in between his punches, and I kicked him in the groin. He fell to the ground and keeled over, obviously in pain. I stepped over him into my car. "I don't even know what Bella saw in you," I spitted and quickly drove away, leaving him lying there in the parking lot. "Serves him right," I muttered to myself, "He stole Bella from me. He doesn't even deserve her, that bastard." I drove through a red light without taking notice.

To be honest, I didn't know where I was driving; I just knew I couldn't go home to an empty apartment. I didn't want to be anywhere, except for last summer.

Two lights, a car headed towards me—I realized all too late as my vision blurred and I felt the motion as I swerved sharply.

* * *

**Author's Note:** Hmm, I never originally planned to have Jacob and Edward fight, but I just got carried away. Tell me it's horrible if you want, I'll apologize in fast. And I wonder what happens to Edward? O:-)


	9. Chapter 9: Rescued

**Author's Note:** It always takes me so long to update. I wish I could change that, but here's chapter 9, finally. When you're reading it, just remember that things have to get worse before they can get better.

Thanks to my amazing, wonderful betas, carter.emily and alexz1jude for helping me talk through my story and editing it. I don't even want to think about what this story would be like without their help.

Oh, and remember that if you post, I'll send you a quote from next chapter. And you should all know I'm adding a chapter, which I wasn't going to do originally, so if I get 8 reviews this chapter, I'll make it longer. So make sure you review and not just read:)

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**Chapter 9: Rescued**

_Oh, say you'll miss me one last time  
I'll be strong, but whatever you do  
Please don't get me rescued..._

I looked around the white-washed room, the bland eerily empty bed and the plain TV. I took in the too-clean smell which somehow seemed so foreboding. After crashing that night, I don't remember anything. However, the records seem to know quite a bit.

_20-year-old male, Edward Anthony Cullen, charged for dui after crashing into fence and admitted into hospital for concussion and broken arm. Fined 760._

If my drug use before wasn't enough to shake the idea of my parent's perfect Edward out of their heads, much to my chagrin. Everybody was surprised, none more than myself.

A quick knock on the door stopped my train of thought. For once, she wasn't bouncing off the walls.

"Hi, Alice," I sighed.

She sat on the edge of my bed, and I pretended to kick her, emitting smiles from the both of us. "Edward," she stressed my name out, "how were the 'rents?"

"Ugh." Out of everything, it shamed me the most what Esme and Carlisle thought of me and what I had done, the son they had worked so hard to raise properly. "They said they were disappointed in me."

"Harsh. They only pulled that one on me once—when I maxed out the credit card." I rolled my eyes, but it was not unseen by Alice. "Hey, I had to get that new wardrobe!"

"I'm sure," I muttered. "So, does anyone hate me yet for what I did?"

Alice pretended to mull it over for a bit before answering. "I don't think so. Well, except for Jacob most likely considering…"

I didn't remember much, so I only had the faintest idea of what I'd done that night. "Considering what?"

My sister actually seemed to be truly shocked, but then she shook it off. "Your fight. You, um, kicked him in the crotch."

"I did?" I said in between laughs. "That's priceless!"

"Oh, you know," Alice said in an airy voice, "Alcohol, 37. Dui Fine, 760. Kicking your ex's new boyfriend in the balls, priceless." Now I really couldn't stop laughing, and neither could Alice. She started snorting, which got us to laugh even harder.

Who knew hanging out with your little sister while you're in a hospital bed could be this much fun?

My older brother strutted into the room and noticed our laughing, so he began laughing too. At that, Alice and I had to share a glance, from which we started laughing at Emmett. To any passerby, we'd seem like three psychos maniacally laughing over, well, psychotic things.

"Hi Emmett," I greeted him once I could manage to breathe.

"Brava," he replied with the head motion, which I returned.

Alice looked offended. "Excuse me?"

"_Hola Alice,_" he boomed. "Wait, you didn't say hi to me in the first place. I should disown you as my sister."

"I should disown both of you," I mumbled as reality hit home once more. While I was just having a good time, I was still in trouble, and not just with myself.

Emmett took a step back, faking it as a hit. "Woah, that's the moody Eddie we know."

"Edward," I corrected him, pinching the bridge of my nose as I usually do whenever I get irritated. "Guys, seriously, I'm in trouble, and I can't just laugh it off."

Alice sighed. "Edward, it'll be fine. And you know we're here for you, even though we haven't always been in the past."

"Thanks, but that doesn't help much." My siblings smiled apologetically as they murmured their goodbyes and left the room, leaving me by myself.

I turned on the TV. How odd it seemed that I could do such a normal, simple task when I was in such turmoil. I really screwed up this time I realized as I slowly began to remember what happened that night. I had thought I was happy up until that point.

One drink too many, or rather in my case, all too many. I had been doing well up until then, all because I saw Jacob and how happy Bella was with him.

The fight. God, I was lucky I didn't get arrested just for that. I could have been charged for assault. I was beginning to like Jacob more for not calling me out on that.

Getting into the car and driving when I wasn't fit for it.

Everything led up to it.

The car coming as I swerved and hit my head on the dashboard. I rubbed my head, remembering the pain. Someone named Sam had found me. I had been barely conscious as he opened the car door to check if I was okay after calling 9-1-1. He had pulled my wallet out of my pocket for identification, and I had mumbled something in protest, too far incoherent to remember what I had tried to say. There had been sirens and bright lights as the ambulance and police came, but all I could see was my reflection in the mirror. It reminded me too much of my face in my bathroom mirror that one day that changed everything. I had blacked out shortly after that.

I could never let that happen again. I had to put myself back together, piece by piece.

"Edward," a solemn voice pulled me out of my thoughts. I looked up, and it was Bella. I wasn't prepared for this.

I sheepishly smiled at her in return. Relief spread over her face and she ran over and hugged me, jostling my arm. "Ow," I cried at the searing pain in my arm.

"Oh, I'm sorry!" Her voice was obscured by sobs.

"Are you crying?" I asked, somewhat appalled. She should be mad at me. I had done everything wrong. I had hurt her boyfriend, and consequently her.

Bella moved her head slightly so our faces were barely inches apart. "I can't help it. I'm just so glad you're okay." Okay? I was far from it.

"Bella," I muttered as I wiped away a tear of hers. "You can't do this."

She seemed bewildered. "Do what? Cry? I'll stop, it's just--"

I cut her off. "No, you can't try to help me get out of this. I need to do it alone."

She still seemed as if she had no clue what was going on. "I don't understand."

"You can't come back to me. You can't always forgive me. I know I've done things wrong, and I have to sort it out myself. I keep on letting everyone down, and I can't do that anymore. I have to fix things by myself."

"But, Edward." Her voice was small, which only made it worse. I stopped her by placing a finger on her lips.

"Bella, you can't rescue me. Not this time. I don't deserve it. I don't deserve you." This was hurting me, but I had to say it. "Just tell me you'll me one last time, and I'll get through this."

Her tears were flowing freely now as she hugged me. "I love you and I'll always miss you, Edward," she said fiercely.

I smoothed her hair and smiled despite myself. How bitter-sweet that this would be the first time I hear her say those three words flat-out.

"I love you too," I whispered as she left me, my arms, and the room for maybe the last time.


	10. Chapter 10: Into the Airwaves

**Author's Note: **Guess who's back, back again? Sharpiex3's back, tell a friend. Aha, I finally updated after months. I'm so sorry, there's no excuse that could make it up to anyone. Check out my profile for updates about my story. Read, enjoy, review. If you can take the time to read this, you can take the time to review. I love reading what you have to say.

* * *

**Chapter 10: Into the Airwaves**

_And this is nothing new  
You are slipping through  
My fingers and into the airwaves  
The static's where you'll find me_

Another school year done—I've survived through everything, every change and challenge that's occurred within the past ten months. And the end of a school year means the start of a new summer at home.

"Edward!" My mother called as she hugged me. The smile she wore seemed too big for her face, and it was contagious as I hugged her back. "You look great!" I'm sure it was such a contrast to the last time she saw me at the beginning of the year in a hospital bed.

"You too Mom. It's so nice to see you again." And it wasn't a lie. I really missed her and my dad, especially since I had stayed in Pennsylvania during Spring Break to work on my paper. School always found a way to get you.

Esme pulled apart from me to get to my siblings. "Alice! Emmett! How are you two?"

"Fantastic," Alice grinned, "Unfortunately, Jasper's not feeling so good." Alice's boyfriend and my new best friend was staying with us for a week and a half while his parents were away. They felt it better he be with people rather than in an empty house. He had ducked into the bathroom as soon as we hit the ground.

Esme sighed, "Aw, I hope he feels better soon."

"Me too," Emmett boomed, "It didn't seem healthy."

"You didn't seem healthy," I mumbled under my breath, and Alice must have heard as she smirked.

However, Emmett didn't appear to hear me. "Where's daddy?" my older brother asked like a little kid.

Esme frowned. "He got called in to the hospital. Apparently a lot of people chose this week to get hurt and ill."

Jasper came back a few moments later, and we were on our way back to our normal lives, which was exactly what mine had been for the past few months. No drinking at all, and I had already kicked my habit with drugs months ago. My grades had actually improved as I was more focused to be what we're all supposed to be, normal and healthy. My life was balanced. No surprises. I was grateful for it.

And I was grateful that my family had accepted me again.

--

As I walked through the familiar door to my house, I couldn't be happier that it was all still mine. My prized piano sat as it always had. I touched a few keys as I passed it on the way to drop my bags down in my room.

Unpacking was never my strong suit, I soon realized. Half of my clothes were strewn across the floor, and it couldn't hold my attention anymore. What I needed was a rest. Unfortunately, I wasn't going to get one with Emmett screaming with glee as my father came home. Even though I was a floor above, I heard every word.

"Emmett," I growled under my breath, and I waited for what I knew would come. Footsteps up the stairs, just like every day when I was in grammar school. I never missed them more.

"Hey my little champ," Carlisle's voice rang as he gently pushed open my door.

I rolled my eyes, even though I really did just want to hear him say that, as he always used to every day when he came home from work ever since I started kindergarten. "Dad, you know I'm not five." That was usual for me to say in the more recent years. His response was even more predictable.

"I know." He never elaborated, because I'm sure he didn't want to have it shoved in his face any more.

Truth was, I wouldn't mind being five again.

"Well, I'll let you get back to unpacking."

"Great," I mumbled barely audibly, glaring at my open suitcase.

Luckily, dinner was only a few minutes later, so I didn't have to do much unpacking. I made my way downstairs and into my usual seat next to Alice.

"What's for dinner, mommy-o?" My sister cheerfully called out.

Esme replied as she brought out dishes, "Oh, nothing much. Just all of your favorites as a homecoming meal."

"Sweet!" Both Emmett and I cheered.

Emmett grinned. "Jinx, you owe me a soda!"

"And you owe me your 'inside voice.'"

He merely chuckled. "Little brother, that is my inside voice."

"I'd hate to hear your outside voice," Jasper contributed, making everyone laugh, except for Emmett himself.

"Alright, everybody dig in," Mom said as she sat down, and the feasting began.

Emmett, of course, was eating like a pig, which focused many eyes on him. However, my father dismissed it by asking, "So, how were your exams, Emmett?"

"Well, Dad," my brother replied, "I don't think I'm meant for a field of work requiring thought and education for that matter." Carlisle shaded a pink, but before he could start speaking, Emmett cut him off. "I'm just joshing you Dad. I probably aced them. I've got the brawns and brains."

Out of the corner of my eyes, I saw Alice roll her eyes. "Sure, sure. How's Rosalie doing?"

"Oh, you know, she's just lucky to have me."

I chuckled. "Of course you'd say that. Bella's first impression of you was right, arrogant."

"You left out oddly funny," Alice chimed in, but I barely noticed. I figuratively took back. That was the first time I spoke of Bella in months. I had pushed her out of my mind for the time being while I had picked up the pieces of my life.

"I heard Bells is moving. I'm gonna miss her."

Just then, my mind went into overload. Bella was moving? Where and when? How come I didn't know? Would I never see her again? How far away was I going? Would I be okay with this new news?

The rest of the dinner, I couldn't remember. It was all a bunch of confusing words that I couldn't pay attention to with more pressing matters to think and wonder about. I ate mechanically and couldn't answer when spoken to. I needed to talk to Alice alone, as soon as I could.

I sat at the table in a daze for a couple minutes after it was cleared. I was anticipating talking to Alice, but I was doubtful. I wanted to know, but I didn't want to. It all came down to the fact that I simply had to know.

So my feet carried me to my sister's home, where I knocked once before entering. She had been waiting for me, and I took a seat on her bed next to her.

"Is it true?" I managed to get the words out of my mouth.

Alice nodded. "Bella's moving to Florida to live with her mom." Florida? That was too far away. Suddenly it dawned on me that everyone had refused to mention this before to shelter me from it.

"Why didn't I know, Alice? How come no one told me? I could handle it," my words turned into a hopeless rant.

"Like you're handling it now? Edward, don't blame me. Blame yourself."

I simply stared at her with confusion plastered on my face. Why would I blame myself because no one would tell me?

"She's moving because of you. She won't say it, but you can tell. She's afraid of rejection."

"What?" I said dumbly. I hadn't rejected her before because I didn't want her, she was with Jacob, and she was too good for me.

"Edward, she broke up with Jacob because of you, and then you rejected her at the hospital. You hurt her."

"No Alice. Don't lie to me. I can't take it."

Alice took my shoulders and faced me towards her. "Edward. She. Broke. Up. With. Jacob. To be with you. She loved _you._"

It hit me, hard. Alice wasn't lying. Bella loved me, or at least she had enough to break up with Jacob. I loved her.

I spoke with such intensity as if my life depended on it, which it basically did, "Alice, when is she leaving?"

Alice looked scared as she replied, "Tonight, I'm not sure when."

I ran out of her room and into my car to pursue the love of my life.

I didn't bother to turn the engine off as I knocked desperately on the door of her father's house. It was he who answered the door, and I hadn't anticipated how I was going to explain anything to him, especially when he saw me in a panic.

"Mr. Swan. Is Bella still here?" I said, with my voice's pitch going all over the place out of excitement.

Charlie spoke very calmly, which was such a contrast to the way I had spoken. "No, you missed her. She left already."

"For the airport?" Shit. Fuck! My head went through all of the curse words I knew. I managed to get out, "When's her flight leave?"

"Seven. Edward, is everything alright?"

I looked down at my watch. It was already 6:50. I was too late.

"No, everything is not alright," is all I said before stalking off into my Volvo and screaming as loud as I could. It didn't matter that Bella's dad could hear me. It didn't matter that my composure was blown. I had lost the one person I had truly loved. I couldn't just call her to fix things. She was already gone.

I was drowning in my misery when I made it home. I did the only thing I could do when I was upset, play my piano. The keys were harsh and rough, never once being gentle. I was a defeated man. I had no reason to be happy. I could only express anger and depression that was sure to sweep over me.

"Edward," a voice called, and I imagined it was Bella until I turned and saw who it was. I continued playing, ignoring my sister. "Do you really want to give up this easily?"


	11. Chapter 11: Made for Each Other

**Author's Note:** Here's the next chapter. I was debating on whether or not to make the chapter longer, but I liked it where I ended it. I had actually written more to this chapter that won't get posted, so if you review I'll send you what I had written. So review and you get more!

Before I forget, without my wonderful beta, alexz1jude, this story would suck. So I thank her:)  


* * *

**Chapter 11: MFEO: Pt. 1 – Made for Each Other**

_I talked so much, I'm sure  
I didn't realize I'd gone crazy  
Didn't catch my bloody nose  
Or that my heart tried to explode_

I ran. There was no other way to put it. Alice had expected her words to encourage me to get to Bella, and they had. I had jumped into my Volvo again in a hurry to fix everything.

I ran through the parking lot, I ran through the airport doors. I ran faster when I heard that Bella's flight had been delayed. I ran and I ran and I ran. I ran for everything I wanted and everything I needed. I ran for everything I had gone through in the past year. I ran faster than I could ever run. I was too motivated broken legs couldn't have stopped me from running.

"Sir, you can't go past here without a ticket," someone yelled after me, finally halting me.

I flung my credit card at the lady at the desk. "One ticket for the 7 o'clock flight to Jacksonville."

She looked nervous. "Sir, they're boarding now."

"Then hurry! I need to get on this flight."

I felt bad for her as she obviously complied just because she was dealing with an insane person. However, there was no time for anything but boarding that plane and getting to Bella.

She finally handed me my ticket, and I was running again. I must have cut fifty people, all of whom complained, to get to the front of the security check. Luckily, no one stopped me. I got through to the right gate in about three minutes, and I knew I was safe. I couldn't see Bella, presumably because she had already boarded the plane.

My nerves acted up again. I was going to spill my heart out to Bella, cut myself raw before her. I could only hope she would accept me.

It seemed to take forever until I could go on the plane and find my seat. From a distance, I saw my seat, and I was surprised to find a familiar person sitting there. I checked the number on my ticket again, and it had appeared I lucked out.

" Bella," I breathed as I sat down. Her eyes widened, and she couldn't say anything. "I'm sorry." She just looked at me again, shocked.

"Edward," she finally gasped.

"Bella, listen to me please. Last summer was the best summer of my life. Meeting you was more than I could ask for. You were perfect in every way, and I hadn't ever felt the way I felt about you. When you broke up with me, I was upset to say the least."

She bowed her head and began to speak, "I'm--"

"No," I cut her off, "Hear me out first. I couldn't live the same way. I wasn't myself. I was someone I hated." I shuddered as I remembered the past year. "And then you came back, and everything was brighter. I was hopeful. And then, I saw you with Jacob. I screwed everything up. You were much too good for me, and I knew I still had to change. I wanted you then, but you deserved better. I strived to become someone better, and wouldn't allow myself to think of you until I was someone I could be proud of."

A lone tear fell down her cheek, and I gently wiped it away.

"And then today, I heard you were moving. It broke me to think I would never see you again. It reawakened all my feelings and need for you. I went to your house, but you were gone. That made me realize even more. I don't know why we're put on earth, but I know the only reason I'm here is to be with you. I can't let you go. You're everywhere around me, but without the real thing, it's not worth it. I see the future, and it's with you. Bella, what I'm trying to say is--"

"I love you," she whispered, saying the final words of my speech as her face inched closer to mine. The anticipation was enticing, and the kiss was everything I had missed.

Every piece slid into place as our lips met. Everything I had gone through seemed worth it now. My heart was full. This was the only thing and everything I needed in my life. I held her face in my hands as though it was the only thing that mattered, and it was. This was my Bella, and I was never letting her go again.

"Excuse me, we're about--" A flight attendant butted in.

"Not now, I'm kissing my girl," I cut her off. I heard Bella chuckle softly and smile against my lips.

The flight attendant was persistent though. "Sir, just buckle up please."

Never once taking my eyes off Bella, I buckled myself in for the ride of my lifetime.


End file.
